24/10/2005
Self Esteem and how you use your body
Could you describe
how someone with low
self esteem might stand/hold themselves? Or how they might walk? I know it
is a huge generalization and I generally like to avoid those (*grin*), but I am
sure you started to picture in your mind the following:
- Slumped chest
- Drooping shoulders
- Bowed head
- Shuffling walk
These are all
classic 'symptoms' of low self esteem, as seen from the
outside.
But what if these
were not just symptoms, but a fundamental part of how we maintain low
self esteem. What if simply by starting to shift your physiology and 'modeling'
that of someone with apparently high self esteem, you were able to slightly but
fundamentally shift your thoughts and feelings of self
worth?
I have to
tell you it will work!
I have had a
personal and powerful experience of this, many years ago. It was when I was just
starting out in my training, coaching and facilitation business. I felt quite
strong 'on stage' as it were, but when meeting with clients - to take a brief -
to structure a program - to follow up on results - I often felt inadequate, very
'low-status' compared to them.
One day, whilst
walking to a client and having these quite negative thoughts running through my
mind, I realized that the 'strong feeling' I had on stage was all to do
with being an extremely competent and trusted facilitator and presenter.
All I had to do was imagine that, as I walked around the city streets, I
was that same facilitator 'on stage'.
The
transformation in my body was remarkable. My pace changed. I stood up
straighter. I had a knowing smile of understanding. I felt
confident!
Nothing was the same
after that, something had clicked. Not something major or cathartic, but
something fundamental.
Try it for yourself.
How would you stand or walk if you were the most
confident person you know? You never know. This one small thing could change
your life.
If you want to know
more techniques for building self esteem and self confidence, feel free to check
out http://www.selfesteemplus.com/,
it's all free including a 21-day course full of practical
techniques.
All the best in your
journey!
Robert
13:37 Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this
19/10/2005
Building Self Esteem by asking for what you want ... the right way!
One way to building self esteem is to start
'acting as if'.
In other words,
'pretending' that you have high self esteem now - no matter what you think on
the inside. But what to say? How to act? Here are some tips and techniques to
learn how those with high confidence and high self esteem ask for what they
want.
Here are
some principles first:
- They ask assuming that the answer will be in the positive.
- They ask as many times as it takes to get their outcome.
- They ask in as many different ways as they can to get their outcome.
Now let's look at
some examples:
Low self
confidence ...
"I don't suppose
you can get the shoe size I am looking for?"
High self
confidence ...
"Can you get the
shoe size I am looking for by tomorrow?" (Assumes size will be found
somewhere; imposes deadline to create urgency)
Even higher
self esteem ...
"I'd like you to
call me tomorrow when you have the shoe size I am looking for" (Also
assumes a request will be fulfilled - contrast this with "Should I call in
next week?", which is far less powerful)
Here's another
example ...
Low self
confidence ...
"The
car seems a bit expensive ... can you reduce the
price?"
High self confidence
...
"How much will you discount the car for
me?"
Even higher self esteem
...
"I'll only be interested in the car when you show
me a significant discount. When will you call me?"
Sometimes it takes a deep breath to say something like
this that you wouldn't normally say - and that's great practice of
course!
Of course you can ask yourself for what you want too
... how about "Which day will I wake up feeling so much more confident ...
Thursday or Friday?"
You can learn tons of simple tips and
techniques like these by signing up for my FREE Self Esteem Workbook and 21-day
Ecourse here.
All the best!
02:11 Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this
09/10/2005
What does Self Esteem do?
I was just thinking about this the other day ... I
have been away for some consulting work and haven't been so close to my blog ...
but I have been thinking about self esteem.
It's perhaps a little too easy to just accept that
high and low self esteem are 'things' that we must address. But why do we have
self esteem at all - what is the purpose of appraising our own self worth,
of evaluating ourselves?
I think it comes from our evolution. It is
suggested (I can supply academic references but won't for the sanity of this
blog!) that we evolved 'consciousness' to help us understand our neighbors ...
to evaluate enemies and to second guess their actions.
And also for us to evaluate ourselves - to 'step
outside' of our own doingness and try to work out how we could be
better.
Balanced carefully, this has obviously served us
well over many thousands of years.
But maybe our modern day society has slowly
encroached on this internal mechanism by forcing us to continuously evaluate
ourselves ... are we OK? Is our hair glossy enough? Do we have enough shiny new
things?
The relentless assault on our unworthiness can
perhaps even beta some people into feeling less worthy than they truly
are.
The good news is, the same internal evaluation
mechanism can be used to repel these unwanted comparisons and its an easy to
learn skill. (Yes, my free self esteem
workbook and e-course will definitely help!).
All the best!
Robert
15:00 Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this