27/11/2005
How You Can Avoid Sabotaging Your Own Self Esteem
I've been really busy lately, adding a huge self help article library to my website and writing new ones myself ... hence the rather noticeable lack of posting recently.
However, I've just posted a full article at my own website about the subject of 'New Age Guilt' and how it might sabotage your self esteem (click the link to read it) and it has got me thinking quite curiously.
My thinking about this subject was actually re-stimulated when I was reading another author's article about self confidence and building self esteem ... who was pretty much making the same point.
What point?
Well, that our predilection for taking the advice of self help 'gurus' has resulted in an overly biased, 'inward looking' approach.
Meaning: You are a mess; you created your own mess; you are responsible for creating this mess; AND you are responsible for getting yourself out of this mess!
Ouch ...
You mean, not only do I feel lousy about myself, but I should feel lousy about the lousy job I'm doing with my life?
Yep. (Apparently!)
Hmmmm. Nothing worse than feeling guilty about feeling guilty. It's a downward spiral.
But how do we overcome this? It is such a wonderful skill to self analyze and discover ways in which we can improve. To have those 'Aha' light-bulb moments.
I think it is best to stick to some good old fashioned common sense.
I like to use the phrase;
"No matter what you say or do to me, I am still a worthwhile person"
It tends to stop the New Age Guilt seeping in, even when the person talking to you is your own nagging new age self.
Sure, we should all keep looking for ways to get personal development and self improvement.
But don't let any apparent 'lack' in you be the cause of you beating yourself up.
It only makes things worse.
Oh by the way ... just in case you are now thinking ... "Oh God he's right, what an idiot I have been, beating myself up about my low self esteem, how could I do that, I must stop it, oh I'm such a loser ..."
STOP IT!!!!!
Look for all the positives and remember, there is always someone worse off than us .... and equally always someone better off. And self inflicted pain as a result of you comparing yourself to others is optional!
All the best in your journey!
Robert
Find out more ways to inflict better self esteem and self confidence on you and your friends ... FREE ... at http://www.selfesteemplus.com/
11:23 Permalink | Comments (7) | Email this
Comments
Good to see another post and a great article archive you have there. I'll read them all to get some inspiration and I'll link to this archive in my next post..anyway, keep going! :-)
Posted by: RC | 01/12/2005
Thanks for this blog. I find it really interesting and the topic is one thing that I really love. I am someone with a low self-esteem. However, i was able to gradually get over the hump and make myself resent at all occasions. The best is that I was able to make amends and go on with the best of my abilities.
Posted by: Wong Online PoKer Hu | 05/12/2005
Thanks to both of you for the encouragement! I'm trying to post as often as possible without dropping any quality!
There will definitely be something else new posted later this week ...
Keep smiling!
Posted by: Robert Scanlon | 05/12/2005
In my opinion low self esteem is an issue of inner civil war. It's conflicting belief systems. When we have beliefs about ourselves, others or situations that conflict with other beliefs we have it causes a dilemma (often subconscious). This resukts in confusion and despair - our behaviour then lacks integrity (wholeness) and we then end up feeling guilt, shame, etc. This in turn reinforces a contrary belief and the cycle continues.
Posted by: Steve | 09/12/2005
Well said Steve, thanks for deepening the post with your insight.
Cheers!
Posted by: Robert Scanlon | 10/12/2005
I self analyze all the time. I seem to find fault with myself quite abit. I do know that the positive affirmations work. I love to read self help books to pick myself up and put me back into thinking about regrouping my thought process. I am 35 and have found myself struggling the past couple of weeks with low self esteem and I know I am being hard on myself. I won't accept that negative attitude in my life. However I have slipped into feeling worthless and I need help to change it.
Posted by: Heidi | 13/12/2005
Great post! I loved every word, but oddly enough my favorite part may have been the part where you referred to life as a "journey" - we all need to be reminded of that from time to time.
Today's not the end, yesterday wasn't the end, and two years ago most definitely wasn't the end.... It's never too late to BE who you want to BE.
Posted by: Joi | 16/12/2005
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